LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Sophie and sons were all armadillos, One day they ran out of blankets and pillows, They had quite a scare, But, quickly grew hair, And n...

I went to Russia to visit the Louvre, But, I guess to Paris it made a sudden move, I went to Spain to see the Pyramids of old, But, I gue...

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter, He attacked all in family over the media called twitter, He made fun of  his cousin the mon...

Daisy had an evil Id, It came out when she was a kid, She spread evil rumors, About Mary's bloomers, And, everything that Mary did.

I went fishing on Manistee Lake, But a leaking old boat I did take, I got really wet, And really upset, Then went swimming home; for goo...

I just felt just a little bit of a shake, The TV said it was an earthquake, It was along the East Coast, But, I don’t want to boast, ...

Bert wore a hat of aluminum foil, So government transmissions he’d spoil, But, his hat sealed his fate, From an off world state, The ali...

Jordan once made some homemade rhubarb wine, He thought he'd have good stuff upon which to dine, But, when he guzzled his first glass,...

There was a leprechaun named Sue, Her hair was red, her eyes were blue, A man from the city, Thought she was real pretty, So, he married...

Drinking bad whiskey, Stomach curls, dry heaves, pain, Morning after milk.

We are all just part of the zombie oceans, We swim against riptides just to get our promotions, But, when our own dark day ends, Just ...

Skinny girlfriend, Does not eat very much food, Has a model job. P.S. Lucky me!!!!!!!

Steven had an very evil Id, He picked on his little brother Sid, When Sid went to tell, Steven gave off a yell, And blamed Sid for what ...

There was a leprechaun named Pete, Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat, He was full of green gas, And, could not get a lass, He mad...

Penelope Pie was a racing horse, She ran real fast down every course, But, Kentucky is sloppy, This made her legs floppy, She finished l...

Lake Michigan Sharks, Man-eaters by the millions, Fear the blue waters.

At the office one morning there was no coffee to drink, So, I brewed up some water and poured in some black ink, Everyone went home early ...

Dead tree stands by car, Wind pushes tree over, Crash, my car is destroyed

I polished Petoskey stones all day, I tried to sell them on the Ebay, I did not get one bid, My stones should be hid, I guess they are w...

Many, many will want to cry, Because today is the ides of July, Summer’s half gone, And, late comes the dawn, It’s sad how summer will f...

Fun, Traverse city, Summer boats, Winter skies, laugh, Playground, never ends.

Girlfriend drinks beer, “Expensive habit”, I said, Big mouth, she has job.

Time from a bottle, Gallon red wine, smooth, laughs, tears, Meal, down a toilet.

The nipples on my nasal are in block, I can't smell a thing so how can I rock? My achy head, Fed by pollen it's said, They make m...

I live in Michigan in Traverse City, It is a nice place but, it is itty bitty, The bay looks real nice, The blue waters entice, The girl...

Bert liked to keep his ale in a pail, He bought 40oz bottles when they were on sale, He'd drink beer like punch, For breakfast and lu...

I went up North to celebrate the 4th of July, I lay out on the beach and that’s where I lie, But, the bugs are getting bad, They bite oft...

Two little deer sat on a hill in the woods, They were watching over their delicious green goods, There were gardens of beans below, The d...

Brian the bear was big and strong, His favorite sport was ping pong, But, no one wanted to play, They were all scared away, Though, Bria...

There was a leprechaun named Sam, He loved his eggs, bacon and ham, He once ate a green bean, It gassed up his small spleen, Then, he re...

Watch out for the month called 2012-12, For most this warning is one they will shelve, On the 21st of December, All will then remember, ...

Ivan the bear could barely see, But, he could smell down wind of thee, If he headed your way, You'd better not stay, Or, in Ivan...

The ides of June are on day thirteen, An odd number that is not the average or mean, Was it just a cheap thrill? Or drinking wine beyond ...

There are things that go on in the night, That makes us move to the nearest light, We are all afraid, Of death’s accolade, That stalks u...

There was a boxer named Duff, He thought he was really tough, He took on a dare, And fist fought a bear, Now Duff is looking real rough....

I knew a leprechaun named Jake, He only ate banana cake, If the cake looked nice, He’d pay any price, Jake should have learned how to ba...

There was a big guy named Larry, With two noses he really looked scary, So, he had a nose job, Now with only one knob, Larry might actua...

Some poets  everyone knows, Will latch onto one of their items of prose, They treat with such care, Each word that they share, Their min...

There was a house in New York Queens, They called the "House of Fun", It was the ruin of many quarter rolls, For me it ruined m...

There once was a merman named Rod, He had only a taste for fresh cod, But, a mermaid named Trish, Would eat just tuna fish, Rod ate tuna...

There was a leprechaun named Jane, She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain, She sold sports cars, Saved gold in quart jars, And, made ra...

My Irish Setter named Big, Never danced any Irish jig, He knocks you down on the floor, And, then declares war, Until you give him up a ...

Beware of the ides of May If your in-laws are coming to stay, They will not leave soon, Until the fall harvest moon, When they head back...

The Thirteenth, Friday Long knives, scared kids, bellyaches Fish, rock hard, school lunch.

It's very chilling, I lost a filling, Now when I eat it hurts, Because of the billing, A dentist ain't thrilling, I'll just...

Oliver was always trying to insist, To eat the things not on his diets list, His body was so round, His health was unsound, He didn'...

Clyde was a spider who ate only flies, He dressed for lunch in suits and bow ties, He ate all his meals, Leaning back on his heals, Tabl...

Willie was not a very deep sleeper, For he feared an encounter with the grim reaper, If awake he could stay, He felt he could run away, ...

I once had a Doberman named Nicky, His name online was Nicky Ickey, He had pictures of steak bones’ And dog bowls colored all tones, And...

A rattlesnake wanted a beer, I told him to go bite a deer, He bit me instead, Now I am half dead, He drank the beer that was here.

A rat mixed his whiskey and beer, Next day he felt that death was near, So, he admitted to his wife, His adultrous second life, He sobre...

Jeffrey liked to sleep until noon, Then at night he liked to spoon, He was kissing a girl named Mary, But, her lips were so hairy, He th...

Susie was my sweetheart, She had big eyes of blue, The only problem Susie had, Was she had more eyes than two, I always felt like I was...

There once was a little baby fish, Growing bigger was his only wish, He ate like a pig, He got really big, ‘Till he became a fisherman’s...

Willie goes out into the snow, He is buried because of how hard it blow, But where melting snow drips, He finds tasty parsnips, Now Will...

There once was a knight named Sir Dirk, Dragon fighting was his life’s work, He wore too much tin, ‘Cause he wanted to win, Fire-breathe...

Jeeter had a nose so pronounced, It weighed a pound if it weighed an ounce, And, genetics are not fun, Jeeter’s nose was on his son, Off...

In Northern Michigan there is a soul taker, It is commonly known as the old widow maker, It falls down from the tall trees, It brings it...

Governor Sneakers liked a good bribe, He ran for Governor to enrich his own tribe, He worked for only the elite, He talked up any deceit,...

I was in love with a girl named Pam, She ran off with a farmer named Sam, They have a pig farm, The smell is a charm, They've grown ...