LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

I went up North to celebrate the 4th of July, I lay out on the beach and that’s where I lie, But, the bugs are getting bad, They bite oft...

Two little deer sat on a hill in the woods, They were watching over their delicious green goods, There were gardens of beans below, The d...

Brian the bear was big and strong, His favorite sport was ping pong, But, no one wanted to play, They were all scared away, Though, Bria...

There was a leprechaun named Sam, He loved his eggs, bacon and ham, He once ate a green bean, It gassed up his small spleen, Then, he re...

Watch out for the month called 2012-12, For most this warning is one they will shelve, On the 21st of December, All will then remember, ...

Ivan the bear could barely see, But, he could smell down wind of thee, If he headed your way, You'd better not stay, Or, in Ivan...

The ides of June are on day thirteen, An odd number that is not the average or mean, Was it just a cheap thrill? Or drinking wine beyond ...

There are things that go on in the night, That makes us move to the nearest light, We are all afraid, Of death’s accolade, That stalks u...

There was a boxer named Duff, He thought he was really tough, He took on a dare, And fist fought a bear, Now Duff is looking real rough....

I knew a leprechaun named Jake, He only ate banana cake, If the cake looked nice, He’d pay any price, Jake should have learned how to ba...

There was a big guy named Larry, With two noses he really looked scary, So, he had a nose job, Now with only one knob, Larry might actua...

Some poets  everyone knows, Will latch onto one of their items of prose, They treat with such care, Each word that they share, Their min...

There was a house in New York Queens, They called the "House of Fun", It was the ruin of many quarter rolls, For me it ruined m...

There once was a merman named Rod, He had only a taste for fresh cod, But, a mermaid named Trish, Would eat just tuna fish, Rod ate tuna...

There was a leprechaun named Jane, She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain, She sold sports cars, Saved gold in quart jars, And, made ra...

My Irish Setter named Big, Never danced any Irish jig, He knocks you down on the floor, And, then declares war, Until you give him up a ...

Beware of the ides of May If your in-laws are coming to stay, They will not leave soon, Until the fall harvest moon, When they head back...

The Thirteenth, Friday Long knives, scared kids, bellyaches Fish, rock hard, school lunch.

It's very chilling, I lost a filling, Now when I eat it hurts, Because of the billing, A dentist ain't thrilling, I'll just...

Oliver was always trying to insist, To eat the things not on his diets list, His body was so round, His health was unsound, He didn'...

Clyde was a spider who ate only flies, He dressed for lunch in suits and bow ties, He ate all his meals, Leaning back on his heals, Tabl...

Willie was not a very deep sleeper, For he feared an encounter with the grim reaper, If awake he could stay, He felt he could run away, ...

I once had a Doberman named Nicky, His name online was Nicky Ickey, He had pictures of steak bones’ And dog bowls colored all tones, And...

A rattlesnake wanted a beer, I told him to go bite a deer, He bit me instead, Now I am half dead, He drank the beer that was here.

A rat mixed his whiskey and beer, Next day he felt that death was near, So, he admitted to his wife, His adultrous second life, He sobre...

Jeffrey liked to sleep until noon, Then at night he liked to spoon, He was kissing a girl named Mary, But, her lips were so hairy, He th...

Susie was my sweetheart, She had big eyes of blue, The only problem Susie had, Was she had more eyes than two, I always felt like I was...

There once was a little baby fish, Growing bigger was his only wish, He ate like a pig, He got really big, ‘Till he became a fisherman’s...

Willie goes out into the snow, He is buried because of how hard it blow, But where melting snow drips, He finds tasty parsnips, Now Will...

There once was a knight named Sir Dirk, Dragon fighting was his life’s work, He wore too much tin, ‘Cause he wanted to win, Fire-breathe...

Jeeter had a nose so pronounced, It weighed a pound if it weighed an ounce, And, genetics are not fun, Jeeter’s nose was on his son, Off...

In Northern Michigan there is a soul taker, It is commonly known as the old widow maker, It falls down from the tall trees, It brings it...

Governor Sneakers liked a good bribe, He ran for Governor to enrich his own tribe, He worked for only the elite, He talked up any deceit,...

I was in love with a girl named Pam, She ran off with a farmer named Sam, They have a pig farm, The smell is a charm, They've grown ...

There was a big man from Toledo, He liked to wear a black Tuxedo, But, when he sat down, He riped it all round So now he just wears a bl...

There was a leprechaun named Jane, She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain, She sold sports cars, Saved gold in quart jars, And, made ra...

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah, She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara, Oatmeal cookies she sold, Made a big pot of gold, So, she bou...

I knew a leprechaun named Jake, He only ate banana cake, If the cake looked nice, He’d pay any price, Jake should have learned how to ba...

First Holiday Spring, St. Patricks Day, parades, more, Celebrate the gree.

Someone mixed tomato juice with their beer, They had to drink it 'cause money was dear, It tasted just fine, A bit like red wine, Bu...

Sally was a remarkable beauty queen, Her skin had the most fantastical sheen, All men had a lovers brain, What she was paid was insane, ...

I wrote a limerick about County Cork, It involed eight Irishmen eating pork, Their wives ate lots of pig, Then they all danced a jig, An...

I was in love with a girl named Izzy, When I asked her out she was real busy, I thought I had tarried, Because Izzy got married, But, ma...

MS Mertle is a toilet installer, She once was a finish drywaller, She went to a toilet college, To gain a great deal of knowledge, She...

My dad had a coon hound, It was a vicious dog of prey, It was a creature that was unbound, It hunted night and day, My dad was a terrib...

Rippy liked to take a snort, Of his homemade wine, He drank it when he woke-up, And, every time he’d dine, One day he ran out of homema...

Because gasoline prices are going way up, I have no money on which to sup, I'll sell my blood, Borrow from my best bud, Still, I can...

Marnie put out for close inspection, Her entire mint stamp collection, It was a high value estate, That she would share with a mate, I d...

Andy ate only kosher dills, Only kosher dills gave Andy thrills, He once ate a sweet pickle, That put Andy in a fickle, He broke out wit...

Weirdo, weirdo can you see all, Or are your psychic scenes a stall, Is there a chance? Your mind is full of romance, When she dumped you...

Betsy, late for work, Missed buss again, walk too far, Called in sick again. Betsy's schedule is very pliable, She is late and call...

My heart is an aching valentine, My girlfriend left me so now I wine, I'm no good at romance, But, thought I'd take a chance, I ...

Well today is Valentines Day, And, I’ve got something to say, Forget flowers and candy, Just bring me some brandy, The day seems much br...

Mary, Mary liked her dairy, She liked eggs,ice cream and cheese, She could eat ice cream by the gallon, And yet, Mary would never freeze,...

Frank likes to go swimming in lakes full of muck, That's where he'll go swimming with any luck, He likes the muck squishing betwee...

Paula was an inch worm who really liked to play, She inched around on her belly every day, Then, along came her dad, He said Paula was ba...

The problem with nose slugs as you all know, Is you must pick and pull at them or they won't go, They don't come out on their own,...

This is called the year of the rabbit, I have to break my rabbit hunt habit, So, I’ll go hunting for squirrel, Though their taste makes m...

Each morning you wait for the light of day, You think that the sun always rises, But, what if that daybreak never comes, Then, you’ll kno...

My girlfriend is crazy, She says that I am lazy, I try to work, But, I'm a jerk, I just want a big raizy.