LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Saturday, February 26, 2011

MY DAD AND HIS COON HOUND

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My dad had a coon hound, It was a vicious dog of prey, It was a creature that was unbound, It hunted night and day, My dad was a terrib...
Thursday, February 24, 2011

POOR RIPPY AND HIS SNORT

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Rippy liked to take a snort, Of his homemade wine, He drank it when he woke-up, And, every time he’d dine, One day he ran out of homema...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011

GASOLINE PRICES

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Because gasoline prices are going way up, I have no money on which to sup, I'll sell my blood, Borrow from my best bud, Still, I can...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011

MARNIE PUT OUT FOR INSPECTION

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Marnie put out for close inspection, Her entire mint stamp collection, It was a high value estate, That she would share with a mate, I d...
Sunday, February 20, 2011

ANDY GOT THRILLS FROM KOSHER DILLS-Limerick

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Andy ate only kosher dills, Only kosher dills gave Andy thrills, He once ate a sweet pickle, That put Andy in a fickle, He broke out wit...
Friday, February 18, 2011

WERIDO PSYCHIC GETS DUMPED BY GIRLFRIEND LIMERRICK

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Weirdo, weirdo can you see all, Or are your psychic scenes a stall, Is there a chance? Your mind is full of romance, When she dumped you...
Thursday, February 17, 2011

BETSY THE RELIABLE

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Betsy, late for work, Missed buss again, walk too far, Called in sick again. Betsy's schedule is very pliable, She is late and call...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011

MY HEART IS AN ACHING VALINTINE

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My heart is an aching valentine, My girlfriend left me so now I wine, I'm no good at romance, But, thought I'd take a chance, I ...
Monday, February 14, 2011

VALENTINES DAY LIMERICK

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Well today is Valentines Day, And, I’ve got something to say, Forget flowers and candy, Just bring me some brandy, The day seems much br...
Friday, February 11, 2011

TIREMARY, MARY AND HER DAIRY

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Mary, Mary liked her dairy, She liked eggs,ice cream and cheese, She could eat ice cream by the gallon, And yet, Mary would never freeze,...
Thursday, February 10, 2011

FRANK LIKES MUCK

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Frank likes to go swimming in lakes full of muck, That's where he'll go swimming with any luck, He likes the muck squishing betwee...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011

PAULA WAS AN INCH WORM

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Paula was an inch worm who really liked to play, She inched around on her belly every day, Then, along came her dad, He said Paula was ba...
Saturday, February 5, 2011

THE PROBLEM WITH NOSE SLUGS

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The problem with nose slugs as you all know, Is you must pick and pull at them or they won't go, They don't come out on their own,...
Thursday, February 3, 2011

THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE RABBIT LIMERICK

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This is called the year of the rabbit, I have to break my rabbit hunt habit, So, I’ll go hunting for squirrel, Though their taste makes m...
Wednesday, January 26, 2011

THE SUN ALSO SURPRISES

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Each morning you wait for the light of day, You think that the sun always rises, But, what if that daybreak never comes, Then, you’ll kno...
Monday, January 17, 2011

MY GIRLFRIEND IS CRAZY

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My girlfriend is crazy, She says that I am lazy, I try to work, But, I'm a jerk, I just want a big raizy.
Saturday, January 15, 2011

THE WOOD STOVE FAILURE

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When you’re living in a trailer, You can have a wood stove failure, Cramming in wood just more and more, Til fire rolls out on the floor,...
Saturday, January 8, 2011

RICH GIRLFRIEND HAIKU

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Need rich girlfriend, I play computer games, drink, Need money for both.
Saturday, January 1, 2011

THE NEW YEAR RECESSION LIMERICK

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Now it is again January first, We hope for good but, fear the worst, Things aren't so sunny, In a world with no money, I'm afrai...
Friday, December 31, 2010

A GREEN MAN'S LAMENT

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I use to sell pretty flowers and shrubs, But, my business was overrun with grubs, Grub poison is never free, It was too expensive for me,...
Thursday, December 23, 2010

SANTA BOUGHT A CHEAP PLASTIC SLEIGH

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Santa bought a cheap sleigh made of plastic, He thought the cost savings were simply fantastic, But, the sleigh would not steer, Into tre...
Friday, December 17, 2010

OH CROOKED MIGHTY CHRISTMAS TREE

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Oh mighty Christmas tree, Why did I cut one so tall, You broke the light in the foyer, And gouged the walls up in the hall, Oh mighty C...
Wednesday, December 15, 2010

HANGING CUPBOARDS HAIKU

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Hang, kitchen cupboards, Screws short, unsecured, crash, Dishes, glass breaking.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010

WILLIE AND THE WINTER PARSNIPS

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Willie goes out into the snow, He is buried because of how hard it blow, But where melting snow drips, He finds some parsnips, Now Willi...
Friday, December 10, 2010

THERE WAS A RED BRICK NAMED DAVE

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There was a red brick named Dave, Each day he would rant and rave, He was part of a wall, That stood eight feet tall, He wished to be pa...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010

JOHN SAW TWO SNOWBALLS FLY AT HIS FACE

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John saw two snowballs fly at his face, He tilted his head and beat them with grace, Then he bent down, Saving his crown, But, was pelte...
Friday, December 3, 2010

THE MEAL OF TEARS

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Eddy had no money and felt beat, He had been unemployed for years, Eddy was homeless with nothing to eat, His last meal was of tears, E...
Monday, November 29, 2010

A CHIMP NAMED LEE

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There was a chimpanzee his name was Lee, He lived in a zoo but yearned to be free, So he sewed himself cloths, Took on a human pose, The...

A BAD GRADING SYSTEM MR COX

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There once was a math teacher named Mr. Cox, Those that had his class suffered a nasty pox, He would not give out an "A", And ...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010

TURKEY DAY: CARVING AND EATING WHAT'S YUMMY

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Turkey Day carving, Manna peels, soft, sweet, flesh, yum, Heavens tasty meat.

BLACK FRIDAY COMES ONLY ONCE A YEAR

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Black Friday comes only once a year, The sales are great when money is dear, The stores slash the price, Up to 70% which is nice, That l...
Sunday, November 21, 2010

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TRAVERSE BAY TIME Traverse Bay is big and blue, It’s water fun through and through, You can cross with a boat, Or else swim or just flo...
Monday, November 15, 2010

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE

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There was a leprechaun named Sue, Her hair was red, her eyes were blue, A man from the city, Thought she was real pretty, So, he married...
Sunday, November 14, 2010

KALKASKA TIME-Limerick

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KALKASKA TIME Kalkaska is a place with bears, They’re one of Mother Nature’s terrors, If you hear one grunt, You must not confront, Co...
Saturday, November 13, 2010

EVIL ROY THE MOTH

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Roy was a great big summer moth, He only ate pure cotton cloth, He would never play fair, He ate holes in underwear, The drafts made you...
Thursday, November 11, 2010

POOR LITTLE GEORGIE WAS TEASED OUT OF SCHOOL

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Poor little Georgie was teased out of school, The kids and the teachers said he was a fool, But, after many years Georgie finally got even...

CHEAP BOTTLED WINE

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Real cheap bottled wine, Bittersweet kiss on the lips, Burns when you go pee,
Wednesday, November 10, 2010

MY BEST BUDDIE MACKIE JUST GOT A DIVORCE

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My best buddy Mackie just got a divorce, His wife was in love with another of course, Unfair was the court, With the child support, It’s...
Sunday, November 7, 2010

MANCELONA TIME

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MANCELONA TIME Mancelona had a pig roast, They ate their pig with eggs and toast, But then someone muttered, Their toast was not butter...
Saturday, October 30, 2010

A BAD MAN NAMED ROY

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A witch cursed a bad man named Roy, She turned him into a float toy, He was a toy boat, But, he could not float, He was sank by a bad li...
Sunday, October 24, 2010

ODE TO “THE RENT IS JUST TOO DAMN HIGH” GUY

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A strange looking man with his gray hair on the fly, He had strange barred whiskers but, he was sober and spry, At the governors debate he...
Saturday, October 16, 2010

THERE WAS A GENETIC SCIENTIST NAMED JONES

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There was a mad scientist named Jones, His online screen name was "thebones", He would spend his whole day, With his own DNA ...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010

JESSIE MADE A PAINTING

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Jessie made a painting, It was a village by the sea, But, her bad luck was a tainting, The village was flooded by broken lei.
Monday, October 11, 2010

JERRY HAD AN EVIL ID

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Within Jerry there was an evil Id, It made him do bad things, He’d throw stones at the morning doves, And, pull off butterfly wings, Th...
Sunday, October 10, 2010

THERE WAS A CONGRESSWOMAN NAMED BELLE

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There was a congresswoman named Belle, Her vote was always there to sell, She would take any bid, That's all that she did, That'...

THERE WAS AN OLD BANKER NAMED GENE

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There was an old banker named Gene, Everyone knew he was mean, He would charge huge fees, Put you down on your knees, His interest rates...
Saturday, October 9, 2010

THERE WAS A CROCKADILE NAMED LARRY

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There was a crocodile named Larry, When he grabs your leg it's really scary, One day near the beach, He grabbed an old teach, Who wa...
Thursday, September 30, 2010

SHELIA THE COW HAD GAS

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Shelia was a big white cow, She ate up all the grass, But, when at night she did lie down, She passed enormous gas.
Monday, September 20, 2010

WHEN THE GARDEN FROST COMES TOO SOON

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When the garden frost comes too soon, A dirge for my plants is my tune, If I would harvest too early, My food would taste squirely, A je...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010

MY SAVIOR IS A TWO BY FOUR

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My savior is a two by for, I keep right beside my door, When a creep comes my way, I wish him a good day, If he attacks I give him what ...

A PIG NAMED MORTIE

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There was a very big pig named Mortie, He was depressed because he turned forty, He ate cottage cheese and cheddar, The cheese made Morti...
Saturday, August 21, 2010

A PETOSKEY STONE I SOLD TODAY

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A Petoskey stone I sold today, I sanded and polished since early May, It sold for a buck, It was not good luck, To send it out I had thr...
Friday, August 20, 2010

I STARTED TO POLISH A PETOSKEY STONE

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I started to polish a Petoskey stone, It's a fossil corral not a fossil bone, It lived in the Devonian Era, On our little planet call...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010

GROVER AND MR. TURKEY

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There was a chicken named Grover, Who yearned for the end of October, Because Mr. Turkey, Was a real turkey Jerky, Yet, in November his ...
Monday, July 12, 2010

PHIL TOLD HIS GRANDMA THAT HE LIKED TO BLOG

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Phil told his grandma that he liked to blog, She gave him wood shoes to dance the clog, When Phil scratched-up the floor, His mom said no...
Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I KNEW A GIRL IN MANCELONA

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I knew a nice girl from Mancelona, She was always talking on her cell phona, She’d call her boyfriend Rick Pain, Who lived in old Spain, ...
Friday, May 28, 2010

A RAT HERO NAMED SHERMAN

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There was a young ship rat named Sherman, The sailors all called him a vermon, But, when the ship caught on fire, And, things looked real...
Thursday, May 27, 2010

THERE WAS A FRENCH POODLE NAMED DORIS-Limerick

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There was a French poodle named Doris, She fell in love with a dash hound named Morris, But, Morris did not care, He had affair after aff...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BASIL AND HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW LIMERICK

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The thing that old Basil feared the very most, Was when his mother-in-law became a ghost, She would not go away, She stayed night and day...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010

THE MOTHER'S DAY LIMERICKS

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By Leigh Collin Brandt Behind the flowers in pots of clay, Behind the smiles while children play, There is no other, Like your mother, ...
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Leigh Collin Brandt
Northern Michigan, United States
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