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Sunday, June 4, 2017

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because, of hot apps downloaded in May.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

HEADLESS BODIES AND SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

In Grand Traverse Bay there are sharks who will bite,
So, onto your arms and your legs hold on tight,
And, best guard your head,
If sharks eat that you're dead,
And, headless bodies fill tourists with fright.

Friday, June 2, 2017

I GOT A CRICKET

I got a cricket beneath my old bed,
I got it's chirping in my throbbing head,
So, I took a look,
To smack him with a book,
Out the window the cricket done fled.


Saturday, May 27, 2017

HOLIDAY CRISIS

Everyone has left town for a holiday bash,
It's off to the lake for a tan and a splash,
And, the prices I'm told,
Reflect a weekend oversold,
So, there's a crisis of credit and cash,

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

THE FLOWERLESS FLOWER MOON

I woke from sleep to see the Flower Moon,
I pierced through my window like the great sun at noon,
But, I saw no flowers,
Just star bunches and towers,
I'm thinking "weed" would be the moon's name in June.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

I STEADIED MY JIG TO EAT FISH LIKE A PIG

I went fishing out on the waves so big,
I used 10 lbs of sinkers to steady my jig,
And, did I hook a whopper,
A real surface flopper,
Then, that night I ate fish like a pig.


Tuesday, May 2, 2017

THE SHARKS IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

There's sharks in Grand Traverse Bay,
Otherwise, it's a nice place to stay,
But, the sharks always attack,
Few swimmers come back,
And, upfront at hotels you must pay.

Monday, May 1, 2017

HAMELET THE DIPSY DIVER SWIMS FAST

Hamlet was a shy dipsy diver bug,
He'd dive if he caught a glimpse of your mug,
He'd swim ten foot away,
Before you could say,
"He must use a performance enhancing drug."

Monday, April 24, 2017

POISED TO BE A WINNER

I am poised to be a winner if, no one else shows up,
I will run the mighty hometown dash and take home the winner's cup,
For although I know I'm slow,
If no one else shows up at go,
I will be attended by my fans tonight at the local brew and sup.


Thursday, March 30, 2017

MY SPACESHIP DIDN'T MAKE AND NEITHER DID I

My spaceship didn't get into outer space,
Instead, it crashed upon it's face,
I would have cried,
But, of course I died,
In the angel's choir I sing base.

Monday, March 13, 2017

THE TENOR PIG THAT MADE IT BIG

I gave my pig a real fair choice,
Become a ham or use his voice,
His tenor voice was brilliant,
Really opera resilient,
Now, his ride is a custom Rolls Royce. 

Friday, March 10, 2017

MY SALMON FISHING DAY

Salmon fishing, cold,
Leaky waders, wet socks, POW!!!
Run over, boat, OUCH!!!

Friday, February 17, 2017

GREGG USED A PENCIL TO CLEAN OUT HIS NOSE

Gregg used a pencil to clean out his nose,
It was a poor choice and caused him great woes,
Though he used the eraser end,
It got stuck in the nose bend,
His humiliation just grows and grows.

 

Thursday, February 16, 2017

SPACE MONKEY JUSTICE

A space monkey landed on my old car,
He was nasty cause he got drunk at the bar,
He barred his mean teeth,
He bit my little brother named Keith,
So, the space monkey got town justice with feathers and tar.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

OLD SKEGGEY, THE SKEGEMOG LAKE MONSTER

The Skegemog Lake monster attacked my tin boat,
He bit it in half so, it would no longer float,
But I got a real special wish,
Skeggey was hungry for just fish,
I swam home and this limerick I wrote.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK

Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

I DON'T PUT THE QUARTERS IN MY LEAKY POT

I took a pottery class and made me a pot,
But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot,
So, I stored in it my change,
The denominational range,
Except quarters, I spend all that I got.


Monday, January 30, 2017

ODE TO MY SNOW COVERED SHACK ON THE HILL

My snow covered shack up on the hill,
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

THE JOHN VIEN TOOTHPICK LEGEND

Old John Vien cut the timber down,
On his eighty acres,
He floated the logs down the stream,
To find some timber takers,

John Vien hopped among the logs,
With a stick to clear logs that cram,
All went well until the water stopped,
At a beaver's big log jam,

Now, John Vien's timber float,
Was ending as the logs crammed tight,
But, John Vien had on his river boat,
A load of dynamite,

The dynamite blew up the dam real good,
But, the logs were now splinters in the air,
That's how John Vien started his toothpick business,
And became a millionaire.






Wednesday, January 25, 2017

MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN

A zombie came up to my door,
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.

My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.