Gregg used a pencil to clean out his nose,
It was a poor choice and caused him great woes,
Though he used the eraser end,
It got stuck in the nose bend,
His humiliation just grows and grows.
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Friday, February 17, 2017
GREGG USED A PENCIL TO CLEAN OUT HIS NOSE
Labels:
HUMOR,
hygiene satire,
nose limerick,
nose satire,
pencil limerick,
poem
Thursday, February 16, 2017
SPACE MONKEY JUSTICE
A space monkey landed on my old car,
He was nasty cause he got drunk at the bar,
He barred his mean teeth,
He bit my little brother named Keith,
So, the space monkey got town justice with feathers and tar.
He was nasty cause he got drunk at the bar,
He barred his mean teeth,
He bit my little brother named Keith,
So, the space monkey got town justice with feathers and tar.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK
Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
I DON'T PUT THE QUARTERS IN MY LEAKY POT
I took a pottery class and made me a pot,
But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot,
So, I stored in it my change,
The denominational range,
Except quarters, I spend all that I got.
But, it didn't hold liquids because it leaked a lot,
So, I stored in it my change,
The denominational range,
Except quarters, I spend all that I got.
Labels:
Change Holder,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Pot Leaker,
Pottery Class
Monday, January 30, 2017
ODE TO MY SNOW COVERED SHACK ON THE HILL
My snow covered shack up on the hill,
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.
Labels:
Corned Beef Hash,
dill pickles,
Home Cave-in,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
PICKLES,
STILL,
Whiskey Ingredients
Thursday, January 26, 2017
THE JOHN VIEN TOOTHPICK LEGEND
Old John Vien cut the timber down,
On his eighty acres,
He floated the logs down the stream,
To find some timber takers,
John Vien hopped among the logs,
With a stick to clear logs that cram,
All went well until the water stopped,
At a beaver's big log jam,
Now, John Vien's timber float,
Was ending as the logs crammed tight,
But, John Vien had on his river boat,
A load of dynamite,
The dynamite blew up the dam real good,
But, the logs were now splinters in the air,
That's how John Vien started his toothpick business,
And became a millionaire.
Labels:
Beaver Dam,
LIMERICKS,
Log Jam,
Timber,
Toothpicks
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN
A zombie came up to my door,
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.
My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.
My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIFE INSURANCE,
Life Insurance Salesman,
LIMERICK,
zombie,
Zombie Parade
Thursday, January 19, 2017
I SMELL A LITTER BOX
I have the laziest cat in my dwelling,
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
litter box,
Pet Cat,
Smelly Home,
Stout Beer
Thursday, January 12, 2017
I HIBERNATE BUT I'D RATHER HEAD SOUTH
As Mr. Winter opened his mouth,
Many tweeters flew to the South,
But, when I felt the cold air,
I was a hibernating bear,
Still, I envy critters that are heading douth.
Many tweeters flew to the South,
But, when I felt the cold air,
I was a hibernating bear,
Still, I envy critters that are heading douth.
Labels:
BEARS,
BIRDS,
Douth,
Hibernation,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Migratory Animals,
South,
WINTER
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
BRAIN PUDDING
I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
Labels:
HUMOR,
Hypocrites,
LIMERICK,
PHILOSOPHY,
Pudding For Brains
Sunday, January 1, 2017
2017 ON THE NEGATIVE HAIKU
Labels:
2017,
Bad Year,
DARK HUMOR,
HAIKU,
predictions
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
MY COMPUTER SCREEN PROBLEM
My computer screen obscured my view,
Through the window in the door,
I moved my computer screen so my view was true,
Then, my screen crashed upon the floor.
Through the window in the door,
I moved my computer screen so my view was true,
Then, my screen crashed upon the floor.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA
There were some bloggers on the net,
Who found some facts that many regret,
Regarding a violent Santa Claus,
Who got divorced for just cause,
Now, all Santa's fans are upset.
Labels:
CHRISTMAS SATIRE,
DIVORCE,
Domestic Satire,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Santa Facts,
Spouse Of Santa,
Violent Santa
MY CRANBERRY WINE HAS GONE BAD
My cranberry wine has gone bad,
It was never too good but it had...
A pungent aroma,
And, it could deliver a coma,
Overall, it wasn't too bad.
It was never too good but it had...
A pungent aroma,
And, it could deliver a coma,
Overall, it wasn't too bad.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
THE MAILMAN AND MY BIRTHDAY MONEY
My grandma said my birthday money was sent directly in the mail,
But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the jail,
But, without grandma's money,
My birthday's not sunny,
And, I have no Xbox to play after this tale.
But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the jail,
But, without grandma's money,
My birthday's not sunny,
And, I have no Xbox to play after this tale.
Friday, December 9, 2016
A SWAMP LIZARD NAMED IKE
There was a swamp lizard named Ike,
He hated all those on a bike,
They’d run over his tail,
That made poor Ike Wail,
Now on Thursday he visits his psych.
He hated all those on a bike,
They’d run over his tail,
That made poor Ike Wail,
Now on Thursday he visits his psych.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
THE ICE FESTIVAL DID NOT GO WELL
The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year,
I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer,
The water was ice cold,
And, I'm just getting too old,
I'd prefer "Summerfest" 12 months of the year.
I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer,
The water was ice cold,
And, I'm just getting too old,
I'd prefer "Summerfest" 12 months of the year.
Labels:
BEER,
COLD,
ICE,
ICE FESTIVAL,
ICE FESTIVAL LIMERICK,
SUMMERFEST,
WINTER HUMOR
Monday, December 5, 2016
YETTI SPAGHETTI MEATBALLS: A MICHIGAN RECEIPE
Danny Dill was a real restaurateur,
He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure,
Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti,
Then, made Yetti meatballs for his spaghetti,
To Yetti clans Danny Dill was a Cur.
He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure,
Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti,
Then, made Yetti meatballs for his spaghetti,
To Yetti clans Danny Dill was a Cur.
Labels:
HUMOR NEWS NUTS,
HUMOR SATIRE,
OUTDOORS NEWS NUTS,
OUTDOR SATIRE,
YETI,
YETI MEATBALLS,
YETI ON THE MENUE,
YETI SPAGHETTI
I WAS WATCHING THE NORTHERN STAR
I was watching the northern star,
Unfortunately, I was driving my car,
I hit some black ice,
My car spun round thrice,
I ended up in the same lane at par.
Unfortunately, I was driving my car,
I hit some black ice,
My car spun round thrice,
I ended up in the same lane at par.
Labels:
BLACK ICE,
DRIVER ATTENTION LIMERICK,
NORTHERN STAR
Sunday, December 4, 2016
IT'S THE TIME OF THE YEAR...
It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho",
It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow,
I'm stuck in the house,
With the kids, dog and, spouse,
I'm just hoping that Santa will show.
It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow,
I'm stuck in the house,
With the kids, dog and, spouse,
I'm just hoping that Santa will show.
Labels:
SANTA,
SANTA LIMERICK,
SNOW-BLOWER,
STUCK IN THE HOUSE,
WINTER
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