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Monday, January 30, 2017

ODE TO MY SNOW COVERED SHACK ON THE HILL

My snow covered shack up on the hill,
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

THE JOHN VIEN TOOTHPICK LEGEND

Old John Vien cut the timber down,
On his eighty acres,
He floated the logs down the stream,
To find some timber takers,

John Vien hopped among the logs,
With a stick to clear logs that cram,
All went well until the water stopped,
At a beaver's big log jam,

Now, John Vien's timber float,
Was ending as the logs crammed tight,
But, John Vien had on his river boat,
A load of dynamite,

The dynamite blew up the dam real good,
But, the logs were now splinters in the air,
That's how John Vien started his toothpick business,
And became a millionaire.






Wednesday, January 25, 2017

MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN

A zombie came up to my door,
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.

My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.


Thursday, January 19, 2017

I SMELL A LITTER BOX

I have the laziest cat in my dwelling,
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I HIBERNATE BUT I'D RATHER HEAD SOUTH

As Mr. Winter opened his mouth,
Many tweeters flew to the South,
But, when I felt the cold air,
I was a hibernating bear,
Still, I envy critters that are heading douth.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

BRAIN PUDDING

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 ON THE NEGATIVE HAIKU

New Year's Day, Big Deal,
Horizon Bleak, Sunshine Rare,
Year Of The Bed Bug!



Tuesday, December 27, 2016

MY COMPUTER SCREEN PROBLEM

 My computer screen obscured my view,
Through the window in the door,
I moved my computer screen so my view was true,
Then, my screen crashed upon the floor.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA

There were some bloggers on the net,
Who found some facts that many regret,
Regarding a violent Santa Claus,
Who got divorced for just cause,
Now, all Santa's fans are upset. 



MY CRANBERRY WINE HAS GONE BAD

My cranberry wine has gone bad,
It was never too good but it had...
A pungent aroma,
And, it could deliver a coma,
Overall, it wasn't too bad.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

THE MAILMAN AND MY BIRTHDAY MONEY

My grandma said my birthday money was sent directly in the mail,
But, the mailman confessed to stealing it now, he's locked up in the jail,
But, without grandma's money,
My birthday's not sunny,
And, I have no Xbox to play after this tale.

Friday, December 9, 2016

A SWAMP LIZARD NAMED IKE

There was a swamp lizard named Ike,
He hated all those on a bike,
They’d run over his tail,
That made poor Ike Wail,
Now on Thursday he visits his psych.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

THE ICE FESTIVAL DID NOT GO WELL

The "Ice Festival" did not go well this year,
I fell through the ice and spilled a whole pint of beer,
The water was ice cold,
And, I'm just getting too old,
I'd prefer "Summerfest" 12 months of the year.

Monday, December 5, 2016

YETTI SPAGHETTI MEATBALLS: A MICHIGAN RECEIPE

Danny Dill was a real restaurateur,
He had found an angle; a meat lover’s lure,
Danny Dill hunted the Michigan Yetti,
Then, made Yetti meatballs for his spaghetti,
To Yetti clans Danny Dill was a Cur.

I WAS WATCHING THE NORTHERN STAR

I was watching the northern star,
Unfortunately, I was driving my car,
I hit some black ice,
My car spun round thrice,
I ended up in the same lane at par.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

IT'S THE TIME OF THE YEAR...

It's the time of the year when Santa goes "Ho,Ho",
It's also the time when my snow-blower won't blow,
I'm stuck in the house,
With the kids, dog and, spouse,
I'm just hoping that Santa will show.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

THE WALNUT SILLY RHYME

My eyes grew tired,
My eyes went shut,
My shell was cracked,
I am a walnut,

I have no eyes,
At least none to see,
I'm a tasty treat,
Oh, woe is me.

Friday, December 2, 2016

BIG BUCK DEER HUNTING-HAIKU


Big buck deer hunting,
Cold, wet, slimy stumps, nose runs,
No see, no shoot, DRAT!



Monday, November 7, 2016

AN ELECTION OR TRICK OR TREAT

An election is like questioning Trick or Treat,
Maybe none of the candy is fit to eat,
And, no matter which kind you pick,
Chances are you'll get sick,
Fancy wrappers are covered with deceit. 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

THE END OF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME

Well, today we've gained an extra hour,
That gives us time for all to shower,
So, relaxed starts the day,
Cause, Daylight Savings Time's gone away,
And, the extra sleep gives us each super power.

 

Sunday, October 30, 2016

FINANCIAL MARKETS ARE ALL IN THE TANK

Financial markets are all in the tank,
We have all those fraudsters to thank,
Of course, I'm not too bold,
I sold off and bought gold,
And, burned through all my cash in the bank.

Friday, October 28, 2016

MY FISH WENT FLYING

I put my fish up for sale,
While it was still flopping around in the pail,
But, I didn't get a buyer,
Just one very high flyer,
An eagle stole my fish by the tail,

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

THE SPIDER ROYAL RIVALRY

Fly Biter was the spider king,
He knew so cause he had the royal ring,
But, he got caught in a web,
Spun by his big sister Deb,
Now, she claims to be queen with her bling.



Wednesday, October 12, 2016

GRANDMA'S PORCELAIN RABBIT

My porcelain rabbit went to the floor,
It scattered pieces from the TV to the door,
The rabbit had been in grandma's old bookcase,
But, I think I'll not replace,
I'll use the money to buy a pizza, ...toppings four.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

MY ROSES WERE NOT SO TOUGH

Although they survived the summer covered with blight,
I'm afraid all my roses got frozen last night,
I was so sure they were tough,
And, would survive the weather when rough,
 But, my roses gave up to the cold with no fight.


Tuesday, October 4, 2016

THE LIMERICK OF THE NASTY TWEETER

When Ron reads tweets about him he gets really mad,
Because, the tweeters who tweet about him tweet him really bad,
But, Ron tweets tweets all the day,
And, has nasty things to say,
If Ron would stop tweeting so much I'd be glad.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1

In Michigan you don't get much fall,
Fall is hardly a season at all,
Fall is just a small splinter,
Between summer and winter,
And, the spring season we don't get at all.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

DRIED BLUEGILL FONDUE

I caught some fish with gills of blue,
I dried and dipped them in fondue,
But, they caused many moans,
Because they were full of bones,
And, their insides were all goo.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

THE MUFFLER (FROM RUST TO DUST)

While in my car I heard the worst darn sound,
When my muffler fell and hit the ground,
My muffler had melted to rust,
And, was now mostly just dust,
At least that's all that I found.


Thursday, September 8, 2016

GETTING A CLEAR TV SIGNAL

My cable picture is pixeled,
My dish picture's all haze,                
My antennae big booster,          
Boosted my TV with a blaze,

Now, after all of my trouble,
My house lies out in burnt rubble,
It’s a reality show that my neighbors may gaze.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because, of hot apps downloaded in May.

Friday, August 26, 2016

WHAT'S UNDER THE DOCK?

I went to pull in my boat dock,
I didn't need it cause my boat was in hock,
But, upon wading into the water,
My right foot grew painfully hotter,
For a shark had bit my foot off and sock.


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

MY SISTER GIVES HAIRCUTS

My sister gives haircuts, oh dear, oh dear,
She'll steady her hand for a six pack of beer,
Or, when she gets through,
You'll know nightmares come true,
Unless,  away from your reflection you steer.


Tuesday, August 23, 2016

MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN

A zombie came up to my door,
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.

My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.


Monday, August 22, 2016

A HALLOWEEN TREAT IN AUGUST

It was an August drought and the earth was frying,
All around my home the plants were dying,
Then, under my bed I found a treat,
A Halloween candy was there to eat,
It was still sweet after ten months lying.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

LAWN NEEDLES AND LOVERS OF PAIN

It rained on the lawn but it didn't do much good,
The grass was so dry that like hard needles it stood,
So, to walk on with bare feet,
Means you find pain a treat,
And, would walk on fire ants if you could.

Friday, August 19, 2016

THE TOOL SHED, TRAILER AND FIRE

In the back tool shed the generator ran,
To keep going my trailer's air conditioner and fan,
But, due to a fault in a wire,
My tool shed caught fire,
Now, my trailer is just an old hot tin can.


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

THE DROUGHT SURVIVALIST

All my tomato plants died in the drought,
As did the rest of my garden which made a drought rout,
So, with no veggies to eat,
I'll rely now on meat,
And, the crick has gone dry so no trout.

Monday, August 15, 2016

CLARITY OF MIND

Today I had a "clarity of mind,"
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.


Saturday, August 13, 2016

BOWLING FOR BEERS AND ROMANCE

My buds and I went romance trolling,
To places that had cold beers and bowling,
But, after ten gutter balls,
And, getting embarrassing cat calls,
Towards home alone I went strolling.


Friday, August 12, 2016

A DAY ON THE LAWN

My riding mower got stuck in a rut,
My push mower wouldn't even put-put,
 My weed whacker rolled over with a wheeze,
The only thing it whacked were my arthritic knees.


I SMELL A LITTER BOX

I have the laziest cat in my dwelling,
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA

There were some bloggers on the net,
Who found some facts that many regret,
Regarding a violent Santa Claus,
Who got divorced for just cause,
Now, all Santa's fans are upset. 



Tuesday, August 9, 2016

ODE TO MY SNOW COVERED SHACK ON THE HILL

My snow covered shack up on the hill,
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.

Monday, August 8, 2016

TINKLE, TINKLE LITTLE CAR

Tinkle, tinkle little car,
Your oil leaks on the road tar,
Your radiator too,
Is leaking green-blue,
I don't think you'll go very far.

Friday, July 29, 2016

LIVESTOCK AND HEMLOCK

Jim raised cattle in the town of Hemlock,
Yet, the town's name don't sound friendly for stock,
For the main plant found round there,
Ain't corn, apple or pear,
But, the stopper of the chest thumping tick-toc.



Thursday, July 28, 2016

BEING DIFFERENT ON THE BOTTOM

My little pontoon boat has sprung a big leak,
So, in seaweed on the lake bottom a refuge I seek,
And, all the fish way down there,
Give me such a real nasty stare,
That, I feel like a fish they label a "freak."

Monday, July 25, 2016

MY RICE WITH NO PUDDING

My rice pudding was all pudding free,
For only the rice was affordable to me,
But, maybe next year,
I'll spend far less on beer,
Then, there will be pudding and rice, maybe tea.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK

Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

THE DRY NOODLE LIMERICK

Jim's noodles were so very dry,
They cracked his teeth oh my, oh my,
And, Jim's teeth were brand new,
So, the noodle maker he'll sue,
Jim wins if in the courtroom he'll cry.