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Saturday, December 31, 2011

2012 WILL SOON BE REVEALED

Soon 2012 will be revealed,
Then, we will know if our fate is sealed,
Should we have fun?
Or, should we run?
Or, will our infirmities be healed.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

MY PRESENT FROM SANTA WEIGHED FIFTY POUNDS LIMERICK

My present from Santa weighed nearly fifty pounds,
I figured it was a TV with audio that surrounds,
I opened my present fast to reach my goal,
But, it was just a huge lump of coal,
I guess my naughtiness has been way out of bounds.

 

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I WENT TO SELL MY STOCKS ON CHRISTMAS DAY

I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day,
For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay,
But, Wall Street was closed,
I was totally hosed,
I’d better skip town right away.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

MY MOM HAD A PORCELAIN PIG

My mom had a porcelain pig,
I knocked it on the floor,
When it flew into a million pieces,
Mom through me out the door,

 I then wandered without a home,
My finances were broke,
 I tried to live at the Astrodome,
 The police sent me to the poke,

 I finally found a place to stay,
I was meant all along for jail,
Everyone finds their place someday,
If they cannot raise the bail. ,

Friday, December 16, 2011

I NEED SANTA TO TAKE ME DOWN SOUTH

I'm sitting in the house during a winter storm,
My heats been shut off so I'm not keeping warm,
Oh, Santa bring your sleigh,
And take me far away,
Take me far south where the temperatures are norm.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Thursday, November 24, 2011

OH TURKEY DAY

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I think we have a problem,
Though Halloween is far away,
My turkey is haunted by a goblin,

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
My turkey would not get done,
No matter what the instructions say,
My turkey jumped up for a run,

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I guess you shouldn’t cook a live bird,
No matter if fresh turkey is the fad of the day,
The turkey just might have the last word.

Friday, November 18, 2011

SARAH THE LEPRECHAUN

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah,
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara.

Monday, November 14, 2011

JAKE THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

Friday, November 11, 2011

JANE THE LEPRECHAUN

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

A COLD FULL MOON IN NOVEMBER

A cold full moon in November,
Much colder than October,September,
Put the camp stuff away,
Summer fun had it's day,
It's not a month to remember.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS HAIKU

Woman of my dreams,
Has a great job, makes money,
I stay home all day.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS LIMERICK

Daylight savings time has ended its run,
Getting up so darn early has not been much fun,
Good riddens I say,
To saving some day,
For those that don’t work but have fun.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

THE PROBLEM WITH STEVE LIMERICK

The problem with Steve is he didn't have a plan,
When he went out ice fishing way out on Lake Ann,
So, oh what a bummer,
The season was summer,
He couldn't swim a stroke so he ran.

Friday, November 4, 2011

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SAM LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

THE ALIEN TRADE AGREEMENT

Crazy Benny went into deep space,
He went there to save the whole human race,
When he met an alien he said "check your shoelace",
Then Benny would spray him with his alien mace,

One day Benny met an alien with eyes all over his head,
Benny ran out of mace then his mind filled with dread,
Then the alien shook hands and said "My name is Fred,
Why do humans have such fear that you all wet to bed?"

Benny and the aliens became friends really fast,
They burried disagreements deep into the past,
Benny signed trade agreements that would clearly last,
In this new galaxy cheap labor numbers were vast,

Big business worships Benny until this very day,
He found them multi-taskers who would work for no pay.

WHEN STEVE OVER USED HIS BRAIN

Steve did not read much,
Read Driver's Ed. booklet,
Brain swelled up, bye Steve.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

HURRICANE, HURRICANE GET OUT OF MY FACE

Hurricane, Hurricane get out of my face,
Or, I’ll spray in your eyes a can of bear mace,
Maybe you’d like that but, I’ll never know,
Because I have somewhere important to go,

Hurricane, Hurricane I’ve ten blocks to walk,
So, bring on your wind, hail and, general squawk,
For my wife had a baby whom I’m anxious to see,
And, no mere mortal storm comes between my family and me.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

A DOG WENT OUT AND SWAM IN THE BAY

A dog went swimming far out in the bay,
He caught a fish and swam back the same day,
He flopped the fish on the shore,
The fish flopped over twice more,
Then the fish swam far out and away,

Saturday, October 15, 2011

MR. CAESAR AND THE IDES

The Ides of October come at mid-month near,
Did Mr. Caesar have something to fear?
I guess that was March mid,
When goodbye Caesar bid,
When he met all his friends that were dear.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

THE MAKING OF AN ANGEL LIMERICK

I was driving and watching the Northern Star,
Then three big bucks ran in front of my Saab car,
I swerved hard left to miss,
And gave an oak tree a kiss,
Now from the Northern Star I look down from afar.

Just how I earned my golden angel wings,
Is no topic of my favorite things,
I saw three big buck deer,
I hit my breaks and couldn't steer,
Now I'm in the choir where the angel sings.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

SOPHIE AND SONS

Sophie and sons were all armadillos,
One day they ran out of blankets and pillows,
They had quite a scare,
But, quickly grew hair,
And nested in the leaves of the willows.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

THE TRAVELS OF LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

I went to Russia to visit the Louvre,
But, I guess to Paris it made a sudden move,
I went to Spain to see the Pyramids of old,
But, I guess to Egypt they had been  recently sold,

I went to Ireland to watch the Mets play,
But, the Mets moved to New York the local Irish did say,
I went to Amsterdam to visit the Pope,
But, he had been moved to Rome so, I felt like a dope,

Why do things change so I can’t keep them straight?
Will showing up at past events and times be my fate?
But, I live with a passion, and even a hope,
That at the end of my travels I’ll find scented soap.







HOW TO HURT YOUR FAMILY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA LIMERICK

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He made fun of  his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.

Friday, September 2, 2011

DAISY HAD AN EVIL ID LIMERICK

Daisy had an evil Id,
It came out when she was a kid,
She spread evil rumors,
About Mary's bloomers,
And, everything that Mary did.

Monday, August 29, 2011

MANISTEE LAKE TIME

I went fishing on Manistee Lake,
But a leaking old boat I did take,
I got really wet,
And really upset,
Then went swimming home; for goodness sake.


I went fishing out on the ice,
The cold wind did'nt feel very nice,
I started to freeze,
I couldn't feel my knees,
And my sweater was loaded with lice.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

EARTHQUAKE SHAKES THE EAST AND ME LIMERICK

I just felt just a little bit of a shake,
The TV said it was an earthquake,
It was along the East Coast,
But, I don’t want to boast,
I’m in Michigan, that’s a ways off goodness sake.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

AMUMINUM FOIL FOR BRAINS

Bert wore a hat of aluminum foil,
So government transmissions he’d spoil,
But, his hat sealed his fate,
From an off world state,
The aliens cooked his brains on broil.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

JORDAN MADE RHUBARB WINE

Jordan once made some homemade rhubarb wine,
He thought he'd have good stuff upon which to dine,
But, when he guzzled his first glass,
He ballooned up with such gas,
He spent a day in the bathroom to opine.

Everyone had an opinion,
About Jordan's homemade rhubarb wine,
They expressed it in the bathroom,
With body language they did opine.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

Friday, August 12, 2011

DRINKING BAD WHISKEY HAIKU

Drinking bad whiskey,
Stomach curls, dry heaves, pain,
Morning after milk.

ZOMBIE OCEANS

We are all just part of the zombie oceans,
We swim against riptides just to get our promotions,
But, when our own dark day ends,
Just a few claim the wins,
The rest of us live the regret with remorseful emotions.



Wednesday, August 10, 2011

MY SKINNY GIRLFRIEND HAIKU

Skinny girlfriend,
Does not eat very much food,
Has a model job.

P.S. Lucky me!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

STEVEN HAD AN EVIL ID

Steven had an very evil Id,
He picked on his little brother Sid,
When Sid went to tell,
Steven gave off a yell,
And blamed Sid for what Steven did.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

PENELOPE PIE LIMERICK

Penelope Pie was a racing horse,
She ran real fast down every course,
But, Kentucky is sloppy,
This made her legs floppy,
She finished last with no remorse.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

LAKE MICHIGAN SHARKS HAIKU

Lake Michigan Sharks,
Man-eaters by the millions,
Fear the blue waters.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

AT THE OFFICE THERE WAS NO COFFEE TO DRINK LIMERICK

At the office one morning there was no coffee to drink,
So, I brewed up some water and poured in some black ink,
Everyone went home early really sick,
As they left hey called me a hick,
I was fired and spent 90 days in the Klink.



Tuesday, July 19, 2011

DEATH OF A CAR

Dead tree stands by car,
Wind pushes tree over,
Crash, my car is destroyed

Monday, July 18, 2011

MY POLISHED PETOSKEY STONES

I polished Petoskey stones all day,
I tried to sell them on the Ebay,
I did not get one bid,
My stones should be hid,
I guess they are wothless I would say.

LYNN THE WALRUS TOOK SAUNA BATHS LIMERICK

There once was a walrus named Lynn,
She took hot sauna baths to get thin,
But, on an all you can eat dinner date,
She ate and she ate,
Then, she gained eighty pounds for her sin.

Friday, July 15, 2011

IDES OF JULY LIMERICK

Many, many will want to cry,
Because today is the ides of July,
Summer’s half gone,
And, late comes the dawn,
It’s sad how summer will fly.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

TRAVERSE CITY HAIKU

Fun, Traverse city,
Summer boats, Winter skies, laugh,
Playground, never ends.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

GIRLFRIEND WITH JOB DRINKS BEER

Girlfriend drinks beer,
“Expensive habit”, I said,
Big mouth, she has job.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

TIME FROM A BOTTLE HAIKU

Time from a bottle,
Gallon red wine, smooth, laughs, tears,
Meal, down a toilet.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

NIPPLES, NAZALS AND, POLENS LIMERICK

The nipples on my nasal are in block,
I can't smell a thing so how can I rock?
My achy head,
Fed by pollen it's said,
They make me sick till I have a cardiac shock.



Monday, July 4, 2011

TRAVERSE CITY POEM BY LCB

I live in Michigan in Traverse City,
It is a nice place but, it is itty bitty,
The bay looks real nice,
The blue waters entice,
The girls swimming are extremely pretty

BERT AND THE PAIL ALE TAIL

Bert liked to keep his ale in a pail,
He bought 40oz bottles when they were on sale,
He'd drink beer like punch,
For breakfast and lunch,
By dinner he'd sing and regale.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

I WENT UP NORTH TO CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY

I went up North to celebrate the 4th of July,
I lay out on the beach and that’s where I lie,
But, the bugs are getting bad,
They bite often, it’s sad,
Now, my skin is burning, smells like a hamburger fry.

TWO LITTLE DEER SAT ON A HILL IN THE WOODS LIMERICK

Two little deer sat on a hill in the woods,
They were watching over their delicious green goods,
There were gardens of beans below,
The deer salivated to go,
Waiting for the gardeners to go back to their hoods.